Last year, on Mark's birthday, a friend of his left a message on his Facebook.
"I really hope those that were your closest loved ones have healed well and celebrate life well."
It's been over 13 years since he's been gone and life looks a lot different these days. So much has happened.
My life has continued to be interesting, unpredictable and impulsive and as of this week, my last name is officially different. Only took a year!
I no longer stay in contact with most of Mark's family.
Ironically, for a while, J (Mark's son) lived down the road from me. He and I have kinda followed the same career path and happened to attend the same webinar about two years ago. Of all the gin joints etc, and it was nice to catch up. If we run into each other somewhere, it'll be lovely to see him again. No issues there, and I continue to have the highest regard for him.
As for the others, while I bear no real ill will because they are quite irrelevant, some phone calls in 2021 during a life-changing period drew a line in the sand. It was particularly nice to find out through my husband's ex-wife exactly what they thought about everything Mark and I. They really didn't hold back with the venom and she was only too delighted to report back all conversations in full detail immediately 😊
I am happy. My life has moved on and I'd like to think I have healed well and celebrate life well these days.
My husband and I have now been married for a year. Mark would have approved of the hugely unconventional start to our relationship - in some ways, it was a lot like the afternoon some 17 years ago when he met the woman that was (in my opinion, and Mark would agree if he was being honest with himself 😜) the love of his life. Lightning strikes (IYKYK!) included.
Meeting my husband was one of life's big inflection points. Finding each other changed both of our lives. We've had to untangle a lot of mess to get to where we are today, but it's been worth it. He makes me a better person, adds a whole lot of fun and laughter to every single day and is unequivocally the love of my life.
When I look back at my time with Mark, I am grateful for so much. He taught me how to love. Like really, really love. And live. Really, really live. To not put off loving and living till later. To make the big scary decisions if I was sure deep in my bones. To take those leaps of faith regardless. To find out what happens next.
With him, I learned how to put my other half first. To respect his wishes above all others. To keep his secrets and to hold space for his needs. What Mark wanted trumped anyone else's opinion of how things should have been. I occupied a lot of his time, effort and thoughts, especially in his final days, and I have no regrets there. Neither did he, or he would have done things differently, made time for other things or put other people higher up on his list of priorities - he was, after all, a force of nature. But he didn't.
Many years ago, I took the decision of archiving this blog. Mostly because I'd written so much on it and it became an window into my life, which I just wasn't comfortable with leaving open long term.
However, it is a shame to keep Mark's bit of the blog hidden, so I have found, what I think is a good solution.
This will be the only post of its kind, the way it should be.
Over to Mark.
