On freedom, choice and the pleasing of others

In order to enjoy life I think it is necessary to have friends. 

It is not uncommon to think that friends have expectations that we should satisfy as part of some social contract, or for the keeping of the peace or simply to please someone that we feel we ought to please. We sometimes, in this manner, act against our own best interests (as we might perceive them to be selfish), as a result of a sense of duty or out of guilt. 

I seek to demand nothing of my friends. I want no-one I know to be conflicted by a perceived expectation that I want something. All I ask for is a modicum of respect (e.g. "dont take the piss TOO much").

In this undemanding way I find life much more rational. I no longer, as I did in my youth, pursue the validation of others. Still, the opinions of those I like and love are important to me but here is the difference: the people concerned are all a bit like me - undemanding of their friends for the most part and not principally driven by the need for attention or validation.

I have made it my rule not to be judgemental, excepting of course when someone is deliberately hurting another where this is avoidable: holding dear the principle of "do no harm" is the only criteria by which I judge someone's morality.

I suppose that those that harm deliberately are just extreme in their individual belief in their sense of entitlement. Last time I checked, most of them are schoolyard bullies writ large. Its just an upgrade in the bullies demand from "Gimme yer chocolate!" to "Bleed/Suffer/Pay/Take That ya (insert derogatory expletive of choice)!"

It does not matter whether a person who makes an unreasonable demand is doing so in the setting of business, partnership, friendship or a mugging (in the playground or in the street): once you have given in, they wont be satisfied with less than compliance without at least a little conflict. 

I make a point of deliberately declining such demands, usually in good grace but certainly with significant assertiveness. I suppose it might be my father leaning over my shoulder, with me acting out the active part of the "I want doesn't get!" script but I don't think so. 

It feels more like self preservation.

A Funny Old Life