The end of a funny old life

I felt the chill in my bones way back in early December. It no longer disappears when I am warm and has become an ache. Tonight its uncomfortable enough that I cannot sleep. I know this for what it is.....

The disease, it would appear, has not gone dormant but has spread to its other favourite haunt, the bone marrow.

This also means that time has become short. I don't know whether to post this or not. Do I spare my friends from what may just possibly be my fears? I shall not post it but time and date it below. I suspect it may be one of several.....

Written 05:05 Sunday 17th january 2010

Musings during connection deprivation Part 1

I have come to love
This child inside of me
I love him since he has this enormous
Sense of fun, almost devilment

He cavorts in my thoughts
Making mischievous suggestions
At highly inappropriate times

The protector, well
A bit difficult really
Respect the competence, the relentlessness
But I don't always like it
My conscience drives
Which when you know how I drive
Is quite worrying

I think ethical self determination might be the best word
Twisted by the need to stabilise, to survive
Self Control Freak, I salute you

So in amongst this, who am I
This integrating meta-being
This will o the wisp
This analogue cipher
In a digital life
This spirit oft damped
As playfulness fought with duty
The collateral damage?

I do know I am a calming voice
When my thoughts are tumultuous
It is I that calms me, not adventure, not control

For I am love

A Funny Old Life

Dont try this at home ..........

The M74 in a dangerously slippery condition at 2 am.

If you don't know how to drive on snow at more than 5 mph, specifically: if you haven't been taught how and don't have the right vehicle (hint - this isn't a 3 ton 4x4) - don't try to learn on the highway. In fact.......

Just don't do it.

Someone sent me this a while back.......

SONNET XLV
DON'T GO FAR OFF, NOT EVEN FOR A DAY

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here,
dying?