Officialdom - An Allergic Reaction

For many years my wife carried out much of the administration for the house: we separated in June of this year and she now resides at another address. Hence a simple request to transfer the TV license for my house to my own name. 

I am unsure why a trivial, if slightly obstructive letter from some official should provoke this reaction in me.

But it does; every time.............

Dear Sir

Thank you for contacting us.

A television licence is legal permission, given to the person named on it, to install and use television equipment at the address shown on the licence.

As it is a legal permission we need the signed authority of the named licence holder before we can transfer the licence to another person and then only if they lived with the licence holder as part of their family unit during the period for which the licence is valid.

In the circumstances, can you please resubmit your request, in writing, to the above address.

I am sorry my reply must be disappointing, but I hope this has clarified the situation for you.

To assist us with your response, please ensure that you quote [insert random number/letter string here] in the subject line of your email.

Yours sincerely

Mr TV Licensing

Dear Mr TV Licensing

I assume that your somewhat bizarre and excessive administrative requirements now require me to approach my wife, cap in hand, for yet another signature; or perhaps a letter written in her own hand, witnessed by two independent persons of good character, sound mind and without criminal conviction or the status of an elected official is that which you require?

Please make your requirements pellucidly clear so that I can then respond to them successfully at the first attempt.

In previous correspondence with your good selves, on another matter: an attempt to persuade you that my leased office was not a place in which a television would be viewed, used, housed, stored or even thought of took several letters and months to resolve. I have neither the time nor patience to repeat the exercise.

Interestingly, I do not even watch the wretched device: the content available seems entirely composed of trivia, half-truths, simplifications and, frankly, propaganda.

I trust you will make your requirements clear in your response - I shall then act on them - but not until. Any letters or response deemed to be threatening correspondence, and here I reflect on my previous experiences with your department, will elicit no response whatsoever apart from a stony silence - I do not believe in encouraging bad mannered behaviour.

In the final analysis, it may be simpler to dispose of the receiving equipment and not renew this legal permission in any form.

Yours Sincerely

A Funny Old Life

"Thank you for playing.................."